I Was Hurt By My Best Friend And Can't Let Go
I had a best friend, years of friendship. We were very happy together, did everything together. She was a part of my life. My whole family loves/adore her.
She was in a relationship with Guy A 6 years. She kind of two timed him with another Guy B, I knew. Sometimes I preach, sometimes I ignore because it’s her personal life, don't wish to get so involved. Her relationship soured badly. And certain things weren't looking good either and I advised her what is the better choice. She respected and listened to what I say.
Barely a week, she was out with the guy who she two timed with. Yet to reflect upon herself nor on the r/s with Guy A, she is out with that guy B. I was astonished. And on social media, showed that they are in love and to the propose stage. None of this was being told to me, everything was via social media. Neither did I ask or intrude, because its her personal life & also she is yet to recover mentally from her relationship.
A month later, she confessed to me. As a bff of years, I didn't like it nor like what she did by not reflecting on herself. Told her, don't have to inform, can see via social media. She didn't reply anything nor explained. I understood, so I moved back. I kept quiet.
Things weren't going good between us, communication wasn't like last time. We kind of argued thru whatsapp. Didn't turn out well. She questioned me for the guy who she was two timing who humiliated/tarnished her image in social media earlier during her love life with Guy A. I was astonished and shocked. I was sad & cried to my mum. I didn't feel like talking to her anymore. I was badly hurt.
She asked to meet up, I agreed for the weekends. I cancelled my trip as I really wanted to meet her and put this behind so to be normal back again. She cancelled the meeting. I was sad, msged her to make it on weekdays & told her my plans cancelled because suppose to meet but now cancelled. She took it in a different way and poured anger on me. I was pissed & we argued. This led me to be more sad/depressed and posted quotes/words saying like "feels like friendship is ending...” on social media. It was purely my sadness I felt, but never I wanted to end it.
She saw it and without even asking me, just simply posted back "lets end it."
I was like what the hell now? And I msged her. We argued again. It was going nowhere, I CALLED her. She was at home and say can't talk because helping mum. I requested for 5 - 10 mins, let’s talk for awhile. But she just hung up the phone on me while I was talking. I called her back about 10-15 times, she didn't even answer my call once or even told to call later.
This upsets me badly. I was very depressed. Just because of some stupid guy who humiliated her/tarnished her, she behaved like this to me. I sent her a message that I ending the friendship officially.
She didn't even bother to fight for the friendship or reply back. None. Just like that, she is off. That's when I realized she wanted to end the friendship more than me.
And within 5 months now, she has a new best friend and is now with some other guy. No more Guy B. When I see all this, I was depressed, sad.
Is best friend easily to get? No value for years for friendship? Just like that you can find someone? Doesn't she know how much hurt she gave to me? Doesn't she know by questioning me "why do I need to tell you" for a guy who humiliated her hurts me? She ask why I need to tell you & at the same time she say " you could have ask me"... does she think I am a fool?
I want her to feel the hurt she gave me, the pain she gave me, the tears she made me shed for our friendship. I want her to feel and know what is like not to play people’s feelings. I want to see her cry, feel the hurt I felt, then I would be happy.
I loved her more than my younger sister. But she gave me so much of pain, that I want to see her in pain and cry. That's how bad it is.
But I know, this is bad. So I have forgiven her and let go. But I couldn't. I feel sad, hurt, and alone. I miss her terribly. And yet she can get a new best friend like that? She thinks people are like underwear? In love, she find someone, & now in friendship also?
Can you help me? I want to get rid of this feeling & forget her forever. I just want her to be punished severely and feel the pain more than what I felt & regret for what she has done and how she treated me. But for her to feel that, I have to let go. Please help me on how to let go?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you’re a smart person, and you can overcome this. You are worthy of care and respect in your friendships, and I will help you let go so that you can move on to creating relationships where you are loved and appreciated.
I suggest that you write a detailed description of everything you like about your friend. Be sure you cover everything. Then write about everything you don’t like about her. Again, cover everything.
Then look for those same qualities in yourself. I think that without meaning to, you put this girl’s value above your own. Everything you like about her is a reflection of those same good qualities in you. Never, ever put anyone above you...because then it will only be a matter of time before you will want to put them down...like you are right now.
Next, begin writing a daily appreciation journal, in which you acknowledge all of your own good qualities. You are worthy of a better best friend, one that will treat you with care and respect. The best way to let go and move on to better friendships is to appreciate yourself.
Then write a letter of good-bye to your friend (you’re not going to deliver this letter...it’s just for you). In the letter, thank her for all of the good times you had, and all that she did that you liked. And then tell her why you don’t want to be friends any more. Keep writing this letter of good-bye over and over until you have let go.
Finally, write a detailed description of the type of friend(s) you want to have, and imagine how good it will feel to have friends like that. Do this daily until you have the friends you want.
You can do this. You’ve got what it takes to let go and move on to much better friendships.
My very best to you,
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