I Should Have Known Better

by Julie
(Wisconsin, USA)

It's hard to fit the past 5 years into a short summary, but I will try. I dated a guy for 3 1/2 yrs. who is 8 years older than me. He is a salesmen for his job, but also is they type of guy who will tell you what you want to hear instead of what the full truth is.

I met him at church towards the end of my marriage and he ended up being my best friend. We ended up breaking up because of a lot of reasons. He didn't like how close I was with my ex-husband, I didn't like how he always made excuses for his behavior and was somewhat dishonest at times, and I also didn't like how he let his kids treat me disrespectfully and how they always seemed to be the source of our fights. We were close (or so I thought at the time), however, our relationship was very dysfunctional.

Fast forward a couple of years after our break-up (during which time he would contact me from time to time to wish me "Happy birthday, Merry Christmas", etc.). Keep in mind that he has had a girlfriend for most of the time since we have been broken up. She's 7 years younger- I guess that he likes them young (trying to be a bit sarcastic here).

He texts me this past Valentine's Day at 2:15 am to tell me that he's sorry for everything that happened and that I was right about a lot of what I pointed out to him when we were together. He also said that he's felt like he needed to tell me all of this for a long time.

Then he contacts me about a week later telling me that he misses me and that the songs that keep playing on the radio remind him of me, etc. and wants to know if he can call me to talk. Keep in mind that I have not contacted him in over a year before this, even though he'd text me occasionally. Now, he knows that I became very close to him when we were together since I met him when I was going through a very painful time in my life. He knows that I was vulnerable and that I trusted him with things that I had never told anyone else. So, in contacting me, he knew that he could possibly stir up some old feelings from the past in me that would hurt.

When he did contact me on said night, he was drunk and told me things about his girlfriend who he recently broke up with. That’s why he was contacting me then. He needed to get his ego boosted so that he could go back to her.

Fast forward to about a month ago. She contacts me because she has a feeling that he hasn't been totally honest with her about some things, and she wants to see if I would talk to her. I agree to talk to her and tell her the truth about things that she asks me about. She's very nice and seems upset with him that he would play on my feelings the way that he did.

So, after I answer her questions (there are a few different instances where he was kind of a snake while being with her) and I also warn her about him and how he doesn't tell the full truth, she seems genuinely thankful that I was willing to be honest with her and talk. In talking with her, I find out that the night that he contacted me on Valentine's Day, he was with her earlier that same night. They weren't even broken up.

Then when I tell her that the second time he contacted me and called me to talk, he told me that the two of them have never connected as deeply as he and I did. She says that he told her that same thing about me. You get the picture.

So I am honest and warn her and tell her the truth and even show her an email from a while ago from him to prove that I am not lying. Fast forward to today- I find out that she is still with him. I will admit that I shouldn't have contacted her, but I do just to let her know that she can't say that I didn't warn her and good luck and guess what? She totally sides with him and makes me out to be the bad person even though I was able to prove that I wasn't lying.

So, not only is he a snake, but she is too. Because she was only nice to me to get info out of me and get me to talk to her. I guess that since he and I didn't do anything physical other than him kiss me deeply when they were first together, that she feels that he's trustworthy and worth her getting her heart broken over if it comes to that.

I was not perfect and made a lot of mistakes throughout this whole ordeal, but I really was trying to spare her the hurt that I had to go through because I couldn't see what kind of person that he really is.

Yes, I am angry that he played me for so long and that I was so naive; I am angry that he is playing her and continues to get away with it and I am angry that she used me to get information out of me, only to side with him. I honestly can say that I have learned a lot out of this experience and I will end this with saying that I should have known better.