I Need Someone's Help

by Amber
(NC, USA)

My boyfriend and I have not been doing so great. We get into these arguments, and I get so upset, I end up hitting myself. I have slammed my head on pavement, against my window of my car, and I punch my face.

I do all of the angry acts, and I do not understand where it comes from. I feel like I am becoming this crazy person. I have panic attacks from crying hysterically.

I have never done this before, and I don't know why I all of a sudden have the angry acts.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Amber, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you reached out here for help. It is important that you stop hurting yourself. I don't know if you have the focus to do this, but what I want you to do is the three journaling processes described on this page. This will help you review your past pain and trauma, which is where this emotion and behavior is coming from, channel your anger and begin shifting your focus to the positive things in you and your life.

I also suggest you take a break from your relationship with your boyfriend until you get yourself healthier. When you're hurting yourself like this, you're not prepared to be in a relationship and handle the stress. Take a look at these two pages and see if you think your relationship is abusive:


how to deal with abusive relationships
the abusive relationship.

Also use these two imagery techniques to heal your past wounds and manage your anxiety better:

imagery processes for emotional healing
two part imagery process for overcoming anxiety and positive mental rehearsal

You need to heal your heart, and learn to love yourself. I suggest you get these self esteem CDs and begin building your self esteem right away.

You're a good person, Amber. Be compassionate and kind with the wounded child inside you. Learn to love and care for your inner child, who carries the wounds of your past and holds the anxiety of your present.

Follow my recommendations--and if you can't afford any of the products, just do the journaling and imagery exercises. You can do this.

Believe in yourself--this great video will help.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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