I Have Trust Issues

by Michael
(TX, USA)

Here lately I've been getting abusive with my girlfriend. I'm always catching her in lies.

I know that that's no excuse to slap her or say the things I do. What I want to know is how I can stop making up things in my head when I do hear the truth?

I love her and I'm really ashamed of my actions. I want it to work out but I don't want this to turn into an even worse situation. I feel like there is no end.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Michael, and thanks for telling your story here. You are smart and healthy to reach out for help. It's because you're a good person that your abusive behavior bothers you. And as you know, it's got to stop.

Until you understand yourself and where your untrusting thoughts and abusive behavior come from, I suggest you separate from your girlfriend. You need to protect her from your anger and aggression.

I suggest you start practicing these anger management techniques every day, until they become habit. Focus on the ones that seem to help you the most.

Do the three journaling processes described on this page. This will help you heal from the past, channel your anger in healthy ways, and shift your focus to the positive things in your life, yourself and your girlfriend.

I know you say you love your girlfriend. That's good. Now, to show your love for her, protect her from the person who has been hitting her--unfortunately, that's you.

About the things you make up in your head...that's your fear talking. If you do the journaling I recommended, that should help you with your thoughts. The positive journaling will be especially helpful for that.

I suggest you also sign up for these online anger management classes. You really need a lot of help to understand and heal yourself emotionally, Michael, and I just want to make sure I offer as many resources to you that I can.

Be the good man you really are inside, Michael. From this point forward, act like the man you choose to be.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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