I Get Really Angry At My Husband And Tell Him I Hate Him And I Attack Him Emotionally And Physically

by Des
(South Africa)

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and although we have our issues I know we are meant to be each others soul mates. We have two young boys, 2 and 4 years old.

I lose my temper with my husband in an instant. If we're having a small petty argument I can lash out and tell him I hate him, on other occasions I have even attacked him physically. I know I get angry quickly and I shouldn't have the heightened responses I do.

I sometimes get angry at my children too and I shout a lot. I don't want to be this way. I can give the excuses that my husband is mean to me and provokes my temper and my children are naughty, but I know I need to be honest to myself.

I have a certain amount of stress as does everybody, and that thing about remembering to breathe in deeply and count to ten just at the moment I'm about to flip is really just not going to cut it. I get out of control way too quickly.

I want to be a calm person. I want to be a loving mother, and a wonderful wife. But I just feel cold.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Des, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect your courage to take responsibility for your anger in this way. That is the first step to change.

The calm person, loving mother and wonderful wife you want to be--that is who you really are inside. Your anger is there for a reason, and that reason must be understood, addressed and healed in order for you to have the freedom to be your authentic self.

I think if you do all of the exercises on this FAQ page, you will begin to understand and heal your anger. These are thorough tools, and if you use them they will definitely help you to be the person you choose to be.

You can do this, Des. Believe in the goodness inside you, and take one step at a time.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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