I Get Really Angry At My Husband And My Four Children And I Don't Know Why

by Merla
(Honolulu, HI)

I have realized that I've been treating my family so bad. Everyday I am angry at them. And I don't think they did anything wrong. Everyday when I get home from work, I would find any reason to get mad at them even for as little as "Who didn't refill the water pitcher, or why is there a cup next to the computer?"

I find myself yelling instead of speaking to them. I am already trying to get some help but I don't think it's working. I mean I feel real good after my visit with my doctor, but then as soon as I get home, I am back to my angry self again.

My eldest daughter had texted me a message on my phone saying how much she loves me and how she misses me being happy. I was hurt by that. Felt really bad. But not too long after I get mad at her.

I know what I am doing, it's just that I cant control it. I react to something and don't realize it till it's already too late. I am so exhausted, and I can't do this anymore. I know I have an anger problem, but I dont think there is any thing or anyone who can help me.

I sometimes feel like dying because I am giving up on myself and my family. I know my family loves me very much despite how I treat them. Even though I know that my family is the reason I should do whatever it takes to change, I can't.

I dont want to sound like I really don't care, I really do. It is killing me inside to see my family hurting and confused as to why I am the way I am. Everyday I ask myself the same question, "Why am I so angry, why do I treat them that way?"

But I can't bring myself to answer it. My husband said that I should try to go to anger manangement. My response to that is, "How are they supposed to help me when I can't even answer my own question, "Why am I so angry?"


Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Merla. You don't have to know why you're angry to get help. As a matter of fact, most people don't really know why they're angry, even if they think they do. The exercise described on this page will help you figure out the answer to that.

You're a good person, and that's why you don't like what your anger is doing to your life and your loved ones. Your anger is not the problem, it's how you express it. Do the anger journaling described on this page, to help you take charge of it and begin expressing it in healthy ways.

Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to begin resolving some of the past trauma you identified in the "trauma writing" exercise.

And finally, start shifting your mental focus to what is good, right and working in you and your world, by using the journaling process on this page.

It will also help to practice these anger management techniques regularly and frequently. You will find lots of helpful CDs that are also available for download on this page, and if you sign up for our free Healing Anger newsletter, you will receive a free download link for the anger management techniques Ebook.

As these quotes on relationships suggest, when you start taking better care of yourself, you will be better to and for others.

Believe in your goodness, Merla. Follow these recommendations, and you will get what you're looking for.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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