I Feel Like The Worst Husband

by Josh
(Everett, WA)

My wife and I have almost been married for a year and we both love each other very much. She gets worked up over the smallest things and I feel she takes it out on me. I then get upset and we start arguing and then it turns into a fight and gets worse and worse.

I have lost my anger to where I have pushed her or grabbed her. I started trying new things to control my anger, I thought I was getting better until today and then I slapped her.

I really hate myself for doing that. I don't know why it happened. I love her more than anything but when I'm mad I treat her like I don't.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her. What do I do?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Josh, and thanks for telling your story here. You're a good man, and that's why you don't like the anger and violence--it's not who you are. You are totally responsible for it, however, and I will try to help you deal with it.

If you cannot keep from physically hitting your wife, you need to separate yourself from her until you can. It is your job to protect her, and if you don't protect her, then someone else will and you'll find yourself talking to a policeman.

I suggest you read and follow all of the recommendations you will find on this page. Those are powerful and effective tools, and if you use them regularly with commitment, you will get some good results. Like any tools, however, if you don't use them they will not help you.

Believe in the goodness inside you Josh, and take the actions I recommend.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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