I Feel Like I Am A Really Bad Mother To My Daughters

by Angry Mama
(Bacolod)

I do try to control my anger, but it will usually get the best out of me. At times I give warnings to my eldest daughter that she better behave because my monster is about to come out. But most of the time I cannot control my anger and I start shouting, sometimes throw things and curse.

I was not like this before. I don't want to hurt my girls and I certainly do not want my anger to affect their emotional/personal development now and later on in life - this is my greatest worry.

I easily get angry when I help my daughter review for her tests for school, when she gives me a wrong answer I get frustrated which leads to an outburst. I have offered that we get her a personal tutor but she doesn't want one.

I always get the courage to say I'm sorry when I have such outbursts but I'm afraid that the hugs, apologies and pep talk are not enough. Unless I can control my anger they are bound to get affected permanently.

Help me please. I love my girls with all my heart.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell that you are a very good mother, and you want to treat your children with kindness and respect. I will try to help.
I have several suggestions for you. First, I recommend that you use the tools on this FAQ page to understand and manage your anger more effectively. These are powerful, extensive tools, but they only work if you use them.


I also suggest that you read about help for angry parents, and the basic emotional needs of children, to make sure you are addressing and meeting those for you daughters. I think you'll also find some helpful ideas on this page about parenting skills. These skills are for parents of angry children, but they will apply for you as well.

I strongly suggest that you use this two part imagery process for positive mental rehearsal, to start your day each morning. You can picture and imagine parenting exactly the way you want to, staying calm, kind, respectful and focused at all times when interacting with your children. Please be sure and do the above exercises first or at the same time, so that you have some healing of your anger.

You can do this. Believe in yourself and the good mother that you truly are inside.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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