I Don't Know How To Help

by Anonymous

My friend's father was really abusive towards him and his mum when they lived together. He moved away with his mum, but always gets really angry and used to lose his temper a lot.

He's hurt people, and he's not proud of that. He says that he "can't control his temper," just like his dad.

He's scared he's gonna lose his temper one day and hurt me. Even though I always keep him calm.

What can I do to help him?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Thanks for asking your question on this site. I think a lot of other people can relate to your situation.

Here are some things for you to consider:

1) Your friend needs to get help for himself. And he's got to want help--or you won't be able to help him.

2) You have to take care of yourself--and it sounds like you may not be safe in this relationship. He's even warning you, by telling you that he's scared he's going to hurt you.

3) I know you say that you "keep him calm," and that's good. However--and this is very important--he has to take responsibility for his own anger. You just can't do that for him.

4) I can't tell for sure, but you may be stuck in an unhealthy situation. That's for you to decide.
To figure that out, take a look at these two web pages, and see if they help you understand your situation and what to do:
Relationship Help
Abusive Relationships.

I wish you all the best in making decisions that are good for you (first) and your friend (second).

Dr. DeFoore

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