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I Can't Express My Anger In A Healthy Way

by Laura M



Hi I'm 15 I am just struggling. I can control my anger to the point where I don't explode every time I want to, but I can't let my anger go either. I just keep it bottled and stored up and it's now at the point where the smallest things can piss me off.

I try not to show it because the logical part of my brain suspects it's an overreaction and I don't really want to hurt loved ones. I know that when I do explode, I say and do horrible things, actually enjoy inflicting the pain and probably won't regret it for hours afterwards.

So to avoid all that I just stuff my anger down deep inside. Logic and reason doesn't help - the logical part of me will try to reason with me but it ends up just making me angrier. It's at the point where I'll get pissed off on a daily basis, hide it and wait till I go to bed to vent and play over whatever pissed me off.

And that's never enough. If something angers me beyond all reason, I think of beating up the person that hurt me and screaming at them. I never actually do it because I know it's not an acceptable way to behave - but that also just makes me angrier, so that I'm not free to express myself.

I don't actively seek dangerous situations but it has also come to the point where a small part of me hopes I will be attacked so that I can legally fight back - so that I have someone I can take all my anger out on and finally be rid of it.

I can't bring myself to tell friends and family because I don't think they'd be able to say anything to help. I did once briefly mention my anger to my dad and he suggested that I take it out on a punching bag. Which is probably really sound advice except I want to inflict actual pain.


I want someone I hate to know how they've made me feel and punish them for it - I want to see them in pain. I know that therapy is probably a good idea, but for therapy to work you have to want to make the change to be better. And I don't want to.

I want to be able to express all my anger and fully explode. I don't want to let it go. But my conscience knows that's wrong - I know that that isn't socially acceptable but knowing all this doesn't change that what I want most is to be able to release all my anger on someone I hate and to make them feel like shit.

I'm seeking help because I'm tired. All of this anger often leads to self-hatred. I just want to be balanced and be able to express my anger in a way that satisfies me but isn't detrimental to anyone or anything. Unfortunately that seems to be a complete paradox.

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Jul 20, 2017
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You Have Made A Good Choice
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Laura - I'm glad you reached out for help here. It makes sense that you're tired, from holding all of that anger inside, and literally doing battle with yourself.

I understand the desire for full release of all of your anger...and I know why that brings up some conflict for you. If you did unleash all of your rage on another person, you could do a lot of harm to them, and then there would be consequences for you. You would ultimately suffer far more than you would gain from the release.

You will feel some good relief, and a whole lot better overall, when you're able to release your anger, but only if it's done in smart, healthy ways that don't hurt anyone.

Start with these exercises, which are designed to help you understand and heal your anger once and for all.

In Chapter Four of this ebook, you will find specific guidance on physical and vocal release methods for getting your anger out in healthy ways.

Use these resources, Laura, and you will reach your goals and feel a lot better. You're a smart girl, and you're strong...I can tell. You can do this, and it will really help you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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