How To Reconnect With Someone You Hurt

by Kurt
(Alabama)

I have hurt someone close to me. I lost my temper, hurt their feelings and made a public display of anger.

I have written letters apologizing, called others and apologized to the special person. This is not a romantic relationship, it is a family relationship. We are both a lot alike just years apart. I am working on Anger Management (have professional help) and working on forgiving myself.

I have stayed away, not intruded on their life, but I truly miss them and have a hollow in my heart for their absence. Should I write, call or just stay at a distance and wait for the maybe?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Kurt, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like you're already doing what you need to do.

You're in a necessary grieving period, over what you've done, and the loss of that relationship (permanent or temporary). Go ahead with your grieving and letting go and focus on your own healing. The letting go does not mean you're forgetting about this person, or that you don't care. Letting go is the first step to love. Let go and love them as they are, with no agenda for them to change.

Do the three journaling processes described on this page, and that will help you as well.

You're a good person, Kurt, and that's why you want forgiveness and healing. Focus on yourself, and practice allowing the other person to be exactly who they are and let go of any desire for them to do anything they're not already doing.

If you choose, you can see this as an opportunity for deep healing within you. I encourage you to do exactly that.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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