How To Deal With The Ending Of An Abusive Relationship

A guy and I have beeen considered best friends for 15 yrs. Recently we spent more time together rather then just talking on the phone and seeing each other every now and then. About a six weeks ago something in me saw that he'd possible felt another way about me.

Soon he began to claim we were in a relationship and expressed some feelings he'd had. He said that he's loved me since he met me 15yrs ago.

Not even a week later he would speak about past/present thoughts about me but it was coming from an angry place. He would say he didn't want me and I was no good. He would always tell me to get out of his place of residence then call me shortly after.

He began to talk about my failed relationship and degrade & disrespect me. He would even talk bad about me to strangers and tell them my faults and failures.

The other day I told him I was sick of him disrespecting me and he wasn't going to talk about me or my friends, I was tired of it!

He snapped and pushed me against the wall then slammed me on the ground and dragged me to the front door. He left me a voice mail say "I'm sorry, but...you know what happened." He said he wanted me to call and that he wants to talk as friend!

I'm not calling, but this is difficult since we know mostly everything about each other, and have been around each others family for 15 years.


Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like your friend has serious issues around intimacy. He (as far as I can tell from what you wrote) was fine until you started to become more intimate.

Then he became abusive, and you have done the right thing. Hang in there. Be true to yourself, and do not go back.

You will go through a grieving process after the ending of such a long friendship, and you can learn more about grieving here, and also about letting go of a relationship.

It may also help you to read about how to deal with abusive relationships, in case you get back with him, or find yourself in a similar situation with someone else.

Be a friend to yourself. You're smart and strong to end this relationship. Stay true to you. These CDs will help with your self esteem, if that's an issue for you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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