How To Deal With An Ex's Family When Kids Are Involved

by Kyla
(Oklahoma City, Oklahoma)

My ex was emotionally abusive. I left him when my daughter was a few months old because I didn't want her to eventually go through what I did.

Turns out he was bipolar and had a drug problem so it was good that I left. Now his family judges me for leaving him.

I want my daughter, who is now five, to have a relationship with her family but they seem to think in order for them to have a relationship with her I have to accept her dad back into my life.

That makes me angry. They live only 60 miles away and have kept away from her, because of his lies and various things he's said about me, but I still send them pics of her.

Should I just leave them all alone and cut my losses?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Kyla, and thanks for telling your story here. If your ex truly loves his daughter, he will show up in her life in a respectable manner. I think you're smart not to allow yourself to be forced into a relationship with him because of pressure from his family.

Move ahead with the choices that seem healthy for you and your daughter. Your ex's relationship with her is his responsibility, not yours. And regarding your daughter having a relationship with your ex's side of the family, if they place those conditions on their relationship with your daughter--that you let him back into your life, then they may miss out on a relationship with her. They're asking too much.

Make up your mind to create a good life for yourself and your daughter, Kyla.

You can do this. Look for the good in all that happens.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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