How Do I Know When It Is Enough?

by Anonymous

Hi. Me and my boyfriend have been living together for 3 years, and in that time he has hit me and said mean and nasty things to me.

I don't work and he thinks he can control me that way. I can't ever tell him anything because he gets all mad and never wants to talk about our problems. He just walks away.

I really love him and I know he loves me too, because he wants to get married. But I am scared he will never change.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You must have some strong concerns about your relationship with your boyfriend, or you would not have written your story here. I suggest you pay close attention to all of your fears and concerns, because it sounds like you have good reason for those feelings.

The way he treats you is not love. The fact that he wants to get married does not mean he loves you, it just means he wants to get married. And more important than that is whether he treats you with respect. Love without respect is not love.

You must value yourself more than you value him, or you will give him permission to continue abusing you.

I suggest you read these two pages:

how to deal with abusive relationships
quotes on relationships

It will really help you to learn to love yourself and raise your self esteem.

Take good care yourself and your tender heart. If you don't, then no one else can.

Be smart, pay attention, and make your decisions as if you were your own best friend.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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