How Do I Help My Husband Who Won't Save Himself?

by Ana
(Michigan)

My husband recently dropped a bombshell into my lap - he told me he had found out back in July that his doctor had indicated after his yearly physical that he thought my husband has lung cancer.

To say that news knocked the wind out of my sails is an understatement. But what I find hardest to deal with is the fact that not only did my husband wait almost 5 months to tell me, he's also refusing to return to the doctor to find out exactly what he's facing.

A lifetime of rejection and hurt from his parents and family have left him feeling unworthy of love, unable to love himself and therefore unable and unwilling to save his own life. He doesn't believe his own life is worth fighting for.

Every conversation about what is going on with his health now turns into arguments which result in more anger and hurt. I know I can't fight this battle for him or save him. Only he can do that. But I don't know how to make him see the man he really is, a man worthy of his own love, a man whose life is worth fighting for.

We haven't told our son, who's 11. I've told my husband he will have to be the one to tell our son, because it's his illness, his life and not my news to tell. And knowing my son, it will break his heart.

How do I get my husband to understand that he is so very much loved and needed and that he needs to find out more about what he's facing so that we can fight this battle together and maybe even win? How do I get him to understand that his life is worth saving?