How Do I Help My Brother?

by Alex

Hello my name is Alex and I'm 12 years old. My brother who is 15 is very abusive and if I walk near him or just stand next to him he will hit me or do something to inflict damage or annoy me. Yesterday he had me pinned down with his knee in my chest with his full body weight and almost choked me out.

Anyways I would like to know how I could stop this and or what I can do to maybe help him if he might not be able to resist hitting me. And what I should do to make him realize how much pain he really outs me into. I try to tell me parents but they don't believe me. I'm thinking of putting up a camera somewhere to catch him in the act. He's very protective over his gay friend and if I say that or anything he thinks is towards gay people, he goes bonkers and thinks he's the man of the house.

Please write me back soon I'm in pain and misery and need to know how to help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Alex, and thanks for telling your story here. It's great that you want to help your brother. If he's really going to change, however, that has to come from his initiative, and there's nothing you can do about that. I will suggest some things you can do.

First, read this FAQ page, and follow all of the instructions there, even though that process is designed for teens who are angry and hurting themselves--it will still help you.

In the positive journaling process on that page, for example, you can begin focusing on the very best aspects of your brother. This means just shifting from worrying about his problems to believing in him and the best things about him.

I know this won't solve all of the problems, but it will lower your stress, and help you focus on yourself instead of the (almost impossible) task of helping your brother. Your primary focus needs to be on yourself, Alex, and doing the next best thing for yourself as a person.

Believe in yourself, take care of yourself, and make up your mind to create a good life for you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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