How Do I Fix It?

by John
(Baltimore, MD, USA)

Well, my name is John. All my life I've been exposed to anger in and outside of my household. I lived in a very bad neighborhood and I'm the youngest of seven kids so there has always been an argument or violence around me.

Part of my anger comes from my dad who I know from first hand has an anger problem. When I was young he did a few things that made me upset with him. He did things like punching me and pushing me into walls, and because of that most of my childhood I was angry.

I was able to keep most of my anger inside by writing songs and poems but it wasn't until I was about 17 that I realized I had a serious problem. One day I was talking to my sister and she said something normal that usually no one would get pissed at and suddenly I attack her and blacked out! The next thing I know I'm on the floor with my brothers and a close family friend is on top of me telling me to stop!

By that point I pretty much was confused and couldn't remember what had happened. After that I closed my emotions within my self and with that my anger seemed to go away. Now a few years later and with being married my anger has come back and it's worse then before and it's starting to ruin my marriage.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello John, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like you're a good man, with a serious anger problem. Congratulations for being willing to take responsibility for your anger instead of blaming it on others.


Start with the writing exercise on this page, to give a thorough review of all that happened to you in the past. This will really help you, if you're willing to do it. Those painful memories need the benefit of your current understanding.

Then use these imagery processes for emotional healing, to resolve the emotions connected with your traumatic memories.

Begin doing the anger journaling described on this page every day, to give your anger a safe "place to go." Also practice these anger management techniques on a regular basis.

Then use the positive writing exercise described on this page to shift your focus to what is good, right and working in your life.

Read this story, which tells how to let go and say goodbye to your parents. That will help you remove your father's negative influence on your emotions.

You can do this, John. Anger is just not smart, and it really is not powerful either. Call on the very best of yourself inside, and do all of the above exercises. It will really help you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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