Ginger's Ashes

by Anna

Almost a year ago my husband Tim and I drove to the VET office to pick up our dog Ginger’s ashes.

The phone rang. I was busy in the kitchen, so I let the recorder get it. As I was cooking dinner, this is what I heard in the background. "Hi, I'm calling to let you know that your dog Ginger's ashes are now ready to be picked up."

I turned the oven off, sat down on my favorite chair, the chair little Ginger always sat beside me on, and cried. Ginger died the night of January 26th, 2009. It hasn't even been a full year since then. The night she died I cried deeply and I have cried often since then. At the time of the phone call almost a year ago I thought that I was through the brunt of my grieving, but I was wrong. How much more final could it be that she was gone, than to hear that her little body was now in ashes?

All of these memories came flooding into me. I felt myself holding Ginger and feeling her soft fur. I saw her warm brown eyes looking at me with all of the trust and love that was so much a part of who she was. I felt her little body breathing as I held her and hugged her. It suddenly dawned on me how much I sometimes took her love for granted when she was alive.

I work at home and I spend a lot of time at the computer. Without Ginger I was having a hard time knowing when it's time to take breaks. I had to force myself to know when it was lunch time. Knowing these things used to be Ginger's job. I usually start work at 8:30 a.m. in the morning. At exactly 10:00 a.m., little Ginger used to jump up and put her little paws on my leg. Then she would tap my leg until I looked down at her, stopped what I was doing and took a break. I'd make tea and sit down in our chair. As I drank the tea she would lay on the left side of me, enjoying our time together.

At exactly 12:00 noon, Ginger would jump up and tap my leg to let me know that it was lunch time. I would smile at her and say, "What would I do without you, Ginger?" I would take lunch and right after lunch we would go out for our daily walk. Her little body was so cute at the end of the leash. She loved her walks so much.

At exactly 3:00 p.m., Ginger would once again tap my leg with her little paws and let me know that my afternoon break was due. Once again, I would get tea and Ginger and I would sit on our chair together. Sometimes I took longer breaks with Ginger because I spend so much time outside taking photos on the weekends. Those breaks with Ginger were precious.

I will always wonder how Ginger knew what time it was. She knew what time it was better than I did.

I loved the feel of Ginger's soft fur as I petted her. I loved her little body snuggled up against me at night when we went to sleep. (There was no keeping Ginger out of our bed at night. Ginger asserted that fact very clearly when she was a puppy). The only thing we could do was to teach her not to sleep directly in between my husband Tim and I. When we taught her this, she decided to always sleep on my side, which was the closest to her water and food dishes.

Then we had to go and pick up her ashes. That sweet little body was in ashes, and I had such a hard time with that. My heart broke about it. We had decided to get Ginger cremated instead of burying her in the back yard. We didn’t want to bury her until we were sure that we are living somewhere where we would stay for the rest of our lives. We knew that we would try to move back up North sometime when we get older.

Hearing that Ginger's ashes were ready to be picked up made her death seem even more final to me and it started my grieving back up again. I knew that it was wise to just allow myself to go through the feelings. Tim was there to hug me when I need it and I was there to hug him. We talked about it and cried about it together.

One month ago we got two new dogs. They are Yorkies. Originally we just went to pick up the puppy. When we got there the woman who was selling the puppy said that the three year old mother, Lady, was also for sale. She said that if she could not sell the mother, she was going to have to put her in the pound. As soon as she said that Tim and I looked at each other and at the same time we both said, “We’ll take her too”.

I’m so glad that we have the Yorkies. They both lay in my lap watching TV with me and they run excitedly to me when I come home after being out. Already I can not imagine life without them.

At the same time though, the presence of the Yorkies has also been bringing up some more unresolved grief about Ginger. The little Yorkie puppy, “Biscuit”, is so very much like Ginger when she was a puppy. She has all of the same mannerisms and habits that Ginger did.

It’s so wonderful to hear the sounds of dogs in the house again. They are the best relatives that I will ever have. It just goes to prove that family members don’t always have to be limited to people from our family of origin.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Beautiful story about grieving and healing, Anna. Thank you for sharing your heart with visitors to this site.