Forgiving, Letting Go And Cutting Off Communication

by Patricia
(Kampala, Uganda )

My hubby and I have been married since 2006. He started drinking and using Xanax the past two years of our marriage. He had unexplained rage, I never knew where it came from.

It seemed like his purpose in life was to hurt me and our kids. Anyway after so much emotional and physical abuse most of which he denies, he strangled me and when I managed to scratch his face and set myself free I asked him to leave and not return.

That was beginning August this year. He was back for a night, maybe two at most. He claimed I hurt his ego when I hit him. I know I didn't. But I really didn't wanna hear any more of his lies.

When he finally came home in September he claimed to get off Xanax cold turkey. On the second week I insisted and checked him into a hospital for counseling. We ended up admitted, flushed his system and cleaned him up.

A week later we were out of hospital and he drunk more than before. He told everyone who could listen that I was a bad wife and mom so he drank. Now he moved back to the hotel.

Same theory no drama. I have hated this man, resented him, divorced him in my mind till now. I want to release myself from this and forget all about him. I drafted a separation agreement wired it to my lawyer and I want out.

Have I forgiven him? I really don't know. When I think I have forgiven him he does something outrageous and I am taken back. My friend tells me I am bitter. I agree.


So I am writing this to anyone in my situation. I am announcing that I forgive this man. I will not tolerate his actions or addictions because they are pulling me down and making me a hateful and bitter person. I choose life and love and I embrace it. And finally the peace of God that's beyond understanding is starting to take me over. I am free. To make sure am not confused and taken back, I am cutting off all communication till I am certain that I can face him without resentment.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Patricia, and thanks for telling your story here. You sound strong and clear, in your healthy anger and in your forgiveness. It seems like you're forgiving for yourself, not for anyone else, and that is excellent.

I wish you all the best in your healing and recovery, and in creating a beautiful, loving life for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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