Do I Have A Cold Heart After Many Childhood Losses?

by Anonymous

Today my dad told me he thought I was cold hearted. My best friend agrees a little too.

I don't know how I am. I asked my dad why he thought I was cold hearted and he said because when I was a kid my parents got divorced when I was about 5 months old. I lived with my mom who then gave me to my dad, he then had nannies take care of me in place of my mother.

One of the nannies left me after 6 years the other after 2 years. He says that he thinks I have shut off my caring instinct because I don't want to get hurt anymore.

He says he doesn't think I care about people and I never cry about sad things. But I do care about people. I cry when I'm alone in my room. I'm not good at showing emotion. Am I really cold hearted?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You are not cold hearted. Don't believe anyone who tells you that. I'm sure your dad means well, but he's not doing you any favors telling you that you're cold hearted. You know you care about people, and you know your heart is warm. You can feel it right now, and you can tell it's warm.

With all of the things that happened to you as a child, I'm sure you have shut down some of your emotions--that's perfectly natural. But you don't have to stay shut down if you don't want to.


Here are some ways to open up (for yourself), if you choose:

1) Do all three journaling processes on this page. Keep doing them daily, and you will feel yourself gradually start to heal and feel more open with others who are safe.

2) Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to nurture and care for that precious child you were, who got abandoned and passed around. None of that was your fault, but you probably felt like it was at the time. A lot of your memories are unconscious, but you can still heal them with this imagery process. If you'd like more guidance for healing your inner child, this CD program/audio download is designed specifically for that.

You are a good and worthwhile person, and your heart is good--and very warm.

Do these things I've recommended, and you will feel your heart growing even warmer. It starts with loving yourself.

You can do this. Believe in you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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