Denial Of Sexual Abuse
(Beach Park, IL)
When I was 3 years old I was sexually abused by my father. As I progressed in age I was sexually abused by my brother. I came from an alcoholic family. I am a recovering alcoholic myself.
I had went to my mom to inform her of what dad and brother did. They denied it and I became the black sheep of the crop and still am.
I have worked the steps in AA and did a fearless and moral inventory but it seems all denial is still there. I have been arrested for DUIs, retail theft due to relationships I have been in, and I have been in prison,
When trying to explain to the judicial system what was going on, they didn't listen, I was also physically abused to the point that I have been hospitalized. Nothing got done by family, except that all they told me was, "I told you so," and "that's what you get for lying."
I have had this bottled up in me for 40+years and it just seems it doesn't help to let go due to nobody listening or hearing me out.
To this day forward I still am told that I can't be trusted by any of the family or any of the people I hang with because I may abuse them. I have 2 boys and they are wonderful. One is 25 and the other is 19. I am on a waiting list for help, but I feel it won"t do any good. I don't go to my parents' home alone because I still don't trust my father. I can't trust him even for a second.
Everyone is still in denial. I can resolve the issue by forgiving, but not forgetting. I don't even associate with my sister due to this. She thinks I am a liar because I tried to confront the family and speak out, but she thinks all this was for attention.
I am living for me, knowing I am a better person in myself, and I can deal with this.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Marie, and thank you for telling your story here. You are not alone in what has happened to you. Many victims of sexual abuse are outcasts from their families, as punishment for "telling the family secret" and threatening to burst the bubble of denial that the other members are using for their false sense of safety.
I love the power, health and positive defiance in your statement: "I am living for me, knowing I am a better person in myself, and I can deal with this."
I hope you can look back at your past self and see the amazing courage, strength and resilience of that child you once were (and who is still alive inside you). You survived. Beyond surviving, you are doing your best to become a better person.
I encourage you to tell your story--all of it. You have to do that so that you hear it all yourself. What I mean is, until you have told your story (written it out, as I will explain), you haven't even "told" or "heard" the story yourself.
Use the journaling exercises described on this page to guide you in writing about everything that happened to you and process your emotions. You may or may not want to share this with anyone else, just do it for you.
Then use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve some of the pain and trauma from your memories of abuse. It will allow you to go back to that 3 year old you who was first violated, remove the abuser (your father) and take the precious 3 year old child to safety.
You are a good and brave woman, Marie. I know you've done your share of destructive things in your life, as you described. At this point, I want you to focus on the good in you and the world around you. The third journaling process will help you do that.
Make up your mind that you are going to take charge of your emotions and your life and create a healthy, wonderful life for yourself.
You can do this. Believe in yourself, and never, ever give up.
My very best to you,
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