Dealing With Child Custody And An Easily Tempered Mother Who Wants To Leave The State With The Child

by Aaron
(Lynnwood WA USA)

Basically the mother of my child wants to leave the state with her and wants me to move with. She's leaving in a couple of weeks and I'm trying to decide what I should do.

Where she is moving, I have nothing there. She said she can get me a place and I can get a job easy, but my other child is down here and I can't find his mother who has him in her custody.

I know my rights down here, and we're married so I have been in my daughter's life since birth and raising her my self almost for a while. I feel that my wife made a commitment down here and without me agreeing that moving would be a good thing, she should have to leave by her self. That doesn't mean I'll keep my child from her.

Whatever I decide, she is very easily angered and I know this will totally try and go out of hand. In the past I've had some slip-ups and yelled back.

We're going through a divorce caused by her part, so it makes it worse. So basically I'm asking how should I do this where it's as easy on everyone as possible. And how do I hold my self and keep my focus on what I need to do? Any tips on how I should control all the situations?

I mean I study and understand psychology but for some reason I can't deal with stress, it makes my mind freeze. How do I get her to understand why she just can't leave with her, and how it's not fare to me for her not to be reasonable.

I know she's going through a depression from having the new baby, so it makes the situation ten times worse. So if I can get any ideas on what I should do--involving move or fight.
And how to responsibly and wisely deal with this situation.


Thanks for taking the time to read this

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Aaron, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like the best way for me to help you is in the area of stress management. You need to be able to think clearly, and as you said, keep your focus as you go through this challenging situation.

Start out by doing the three part journaling process described on this page. Do all three processes, and they will really help you to heal from past stress producing emotional experiences, and focus on more comforting and soothing present perspectives.

Here are some CD programs that will help you learn to better focus and concentrate.

I also suggest you read the following two pages, and see if anything there interests you:

stress management techniques
stress management strategies

I think you may also benefit from using this two part imagery process for overcoming anxiety and positive mental rehearsal. You can use these techniques prior to every encounter with your wife, and it will help you to be calm and focused.

A lot of your questions need to be addressed to an attorney, Aaron. You need to know what your rights are, and that will help you with your decisions.

Believe in yourself, Aaron. You are a good person, and you want to do the right thing. When you use these tools I've recommended, it will help you to connect with your good heart and best intelligence.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would provide a written testimonial about the site, Dr. DeFoore's help, or one of our products.