Consumed By Hate Grief And Revenge

by Carrie
(Ireland)



I lost my beautiful brother to alcoholism 3 years ago. I miss him every day. I am consumed by thoughts of hate, revenge and such anger at the girl he was last in a relationship with.

She drove him to a jewelers to get engaged. He was too drunk to drive and I believe he wouldn’t have drove even if he could. He did not want this girl but she was a leech, an enabler, and has been so nasty to me since his passing.

Friends have said she would be jealous of my brother’s and my close relationship. She knew he was always drunk with her and she never knew the real person. She once said that.

She was hiding in the cemetery one dark night and came out and verbally abused me, right at my brother’s grave.

I cannot let it go. I want revenge. I can think about nothing else. I have a wonderful husband and children, and I feel I am not fully present for them as my thoughts are of this nasty person all the time.

I have done counselling for a year and half. I find it difficult mainly because this person is still involved with my other brother and sister…they are friends! I am waiting for karma...please help!

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Mar 01, 2017
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I Hope This Helps
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Carrie - I'm so sorry for your loss. The intense feelings you have are completely understandable...you just want to make sure that you don't react in ways that make things even worse for you.

I'm glad you're thinking about your husband and children. They need you, and as you know, these feelings of hatred and revenge take you away from them.

I'm thinking that you need to grieve deeply for the loss of your brother. Anger is a part of grieving, and it's all too easy to get stuck there. This may be happening to you.

Follow all of the steps you find on this page, and I think you'll start to feel some relief. I strongly encourage you to read the whole page, especially the part under the heading, "Create Your Own Personal Grieving Ceremony."

Be sure and do the intentional grieving part, where you regularly review pictures, cards and memorabilia that remind you of your brother. Do this alone, and let yourself cry deeply and as long as you need to.

Anger is a distraction from grief, and it can make you very sick. Honor your brother and your memory of him by focusing on what you loved about him, instead of focusing on this other person who really doesn't matter to you now.

I hope you find some relief soon.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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