Childhood Beatings By Belt

by Marie
(United States)

I have done a lot of work to heal from childhood physical abuse of beatings; not spankings.

I was young when it started, 7, and a little slip of a thing.

There was a ritual to them. I was chased in the home, got as far as I could, begged not to be beaten, and then submitted to the beating.

I never cried out during the beating; It was my control. I sent my consciousness somewhere else.

After, I always went to my bedroom and sobbed loudly. I was left alone for this part of each event.

As I said, I have done much work to heal; ten years of concentrated work with therapists.

I have anger issues that seem to be the last hurrah of the trauma; I react too strongly.

It is always the same: I yell at the other person to back them down. It is always way over the top for the situation I was angry about.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Marie

One thing is very clear. You are a brave and a strong person. You may or many not feel that way, but it is crystal clear to me.

Your anger is part of your current survival mechanism, your way of protecting yourself. It is "over the top" because the abuse you suffered was way over the top.

That wounded little girl is not totally healed, and your anger is her protector.

So, rather than trying to get rid of your anger, I suggest you honor it, and allow it to become even more effective by becoming healthy.


Start with the anger journaling you will find described on this page. This gives your anger a respectable, safe place to go, where you can hear it and observe it. Always say "Thank you" silently to your protective anger after these journaling processes.

If you haven't already done so, use these imagery processes for emotional healing to clear up any residual damage from your past abuse.

Learn about healthy anger, and start your journey toward making all of your anger healthy so that you are protecting yourself in ways that feel good to you.

Learning to love yourself and develop high self esteem is the best thing you can do towards establishing healthy boundaries, which is what happens with healthy anger.

Most important of all, Marie, is to look upon yourself with compassion, admiration and empathy. You are a survivor, and you have worked very hard for many years to get where you are. You have good reasons to be angry, and following some of the recommendations above will help you to express your anger in healthy ways.

Believe in yourself, and trust the validity of your emotions.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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