Childhood Beatings By Belt

by Marie
(United States)

I have done a lot of work to heal from childhood physical abuse of beatings; not spankings.

I was young when it started, 7, and a little slip of a thing.

There was a ritual to them. I was chased in the home, got as far as I could, begged not to be beaten, and then submitted to the beating.



I never cried out during the beating; It was my control. I sent my consciousness somewhere else.

After, I always went to my bedroom and sobbed loudly. I was left alone for this part of each event.

As I said, I have done much work to heal; ten years of concentrated work with therapists.

I have anger issues that seem to be the last hurrah of the trauma; I react too strongly.

It is always the same: I yell at the other person to back them down. It is always way over the top for the situation I was angry about.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Marie

One thing is very clear. You are a brave and a strong person. You may or many not feel that way, but it is crystal clear to me.

Your anger is part of your current survival mechanism, your way of protecting yourself. It is "over the top" because the abuse you suffered was way over the top.

That wounded little girl is not totally healed, and your anger is her protector.

So, rather than trying to get rid of your anger, I suggest you honor it, and allow it to become even more effective by becoming healthy.

Start with the anger journaling you will find described on this page. This gives your anger a respectable, safe place to go, where you can hear it and observe it. Always say "Thank you" silently to your protective anger after these journaling processes.

If you haven't already done so, use these imagery processes for emotional healing to clear up any residual damage from your past abuse.

Most important of all, Marie, is to look upon yourself with compassion, admiration and empathy. You are a survivor, and you have worked very hard for many years to get where you are. You have good reasons to be angry, and following some of the recommendations above will help you to express your anger in healthy ways.

Believe in yourself, and trust the validity of your emotions.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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Jan 08, 2013
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Pathos
by: Anonymous

You describe frequent incidents,I would say I had constant emotional abuse.Maybe 10 instances of severe spankings. My trauma extends from one ultimate experience. Didn't live with my mother until 7 years old. within a month of going to live with her, Myself and 2 siblings experienced a severe punishment with a wire coat hanger to bare bottoms.(We accidentally broke a keychain) This stranger (My mother) was So overwhelming, I would do everything in my power to avoid her. Bathroom was upstairs My area was downstairs. (She was up there) result tried to control bodily functions to avoid contact. Failure would lead to soiled underwear. More terror what to do? I hid the results. Upon discovery, my mother took it as a personal attack. after waiting since after school to bedtime I was exhausted by anxiety. I snuck off to bed thinking I was forgotten. I was pulled out of bed, pajama bottoms pulled down then thrown on my bed, Her stated goal was to "Make you --- bleed." was also under the command to shut up or get it double. I fully believed that so I sublimated every survival instinct and submitted. No attempts to avoid or cover up. And my shame initially kept me from crying out, then the pain left me incapable of crying out as she proceeded to whip my bottom and thighs with a heavy extension cord. it went on and on I think she actually wanted me to scream in pain, I couldn't also she didn't draw blood,(If you don't consider absolutely black bottom and thighs(From severe bruising.) Then unsatisfied she slammed out without a backwards glance. Left me feeling worthless and abandoned, parents love their kids, I must be worthless for a parent to perpetrate this violence upon my 7 year old body. I am now 50 years old and the effects still have ramifications on my life.

From Dr. DeFooe

The abuse was not because of you. Your mother was a very sick woman, or she would never have done those things to you. Please read this page about recovering from child abuse, and follow all of the guidelines.

You can heal. You are good, and you are worthy of a good life. Never give up on yourself.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

Sep 18, 2011
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Hi Marie
by: Abby

I'm so sorry that happened to you Marie. I was also belted to where I had welts all over me and my father was saying 'Cry! Cry! but I wouldn't. Only I know though the deep emotional scars that were forming. This was done to my brothers at my mother's behest and joy when they were very little boys. One brother was such a gentle sweet little soul too. He is just emotional dead now as a middle aged man. I think I'm over it too sometimes but I hear a child cry and I'm in hell again, for them, for my brothers, for me. I'm so sorry Marie.

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