Child In Trouble

by Natalie
(Rutherglen, Victoria)

My dear son is 8 yrs old. We need help and guidance in regards to his anger issues. He has had problems since he dealt with the divorce of his father and myself when he was almost 3 yrs old.

He has very low self esteem and is stubborn. He doesn't listen when I try to praise him or ask him to do something out of his comfort zone--he tells me he can't and gets angry with everyone. His school academic level is not great because he lacks concentration for a long period of time.

He blames people a lot for his doings or the way he acts-e.G, I asked him to clean his room, then he slammed his finger in his draws and he screamed at me and said "it's your fault you made me do it b____."

He cannot handle being told "no." He lashes out at myself, teachers, caregivers, anyone that says it's not happening! He punches himself if he can't do something the way he wants it to be done, he hurts children in the play ground if they beat him at games, he thinks it is his way or no way!

He visits his fathers house every second weekend. Once he returns home (most times), it takes me half a week to get him out of his bad mood. Not a lot of communication between myself and his father so I don't really no what goes on there.

He swears at people when he is angry, he throws things and breaks things. He finds it very hard to come back down from being so outraged. I've taken him to counselors, doctors and a pediatrician, and all the same outcomes--they have said he is just a normal boy!

But myself and his teachers can see otherwise. I'm at my wit's end, what can I do to help my poor little man from anymore destruction upon himself or others?


Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Natalie, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're having a very hard time, and that you care deeply for your son. I will try to help.

I want you to consider that your son does indeed have problems, but that does not mean it's all about changing him. As his mother, you have tremendous power and responsibility for helping him, and that's what I'm going to focus on here.

I also want you to consider that the professionals who interviewed your son may not be entirely wrong. The effects of the divorce, and the different parenting styles between you and his father would be enough to explain his behavior problems. Read this FAQ page, and you will see how I've responded to other parents with similar difficulties with their children.

Please read this page on parenting skills for angry children. You will find reference on that page to the Total Transformation Program, which I recommend so highly that I am affiliated with their parent company, Legacy Publishing Company. This program will teach you all of the tools you need to better manage your son's behavior.

Believe in yourself as a good mother, Natalie, and believe in your son as a good boy. Make up your mind to learn the tools you need to help him better manage his behavior and his emotions, and you will succeed.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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