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Boyfriend Doesn't Come Home For Four Nights

by Anonymous



My boyfriend of 2 years recently kissed me goodbye, said he loved me and would be home after golf.

He texted me that night around 8 to say his friend’s mom was picking them up because they drank too much. I offered, but got no response. He did not come home.

The night before he stayed at his parents’ house because he drank too much there, as well. Now it's Monday and I don’t hear from him at all, and he doesn’t come home again.

Tuesday morning I texted him and asked him if he was ok, and that I was worried. He said he was fine and would be home a bit later. At 7:00 at night I texted him and said why aren’t you coming home, what is going on...he said he was at his parents’. I asked if he was coming home and got no response.

He did not come home again and I saw pictures of him out with his friends. He spent that night at his sister’s house. Now it’s Wednesday, and I haven’t heard from him, so I packed up all his stuff and found an engagement ring, the one I picked out. We had had the "I’m not ready" talk the day before he didn’t come home, but everything seemed fine.

I changed the locks in the morning and packed his stuff up to take to his parents. At 2 in the afternoon he texted and said he was coming home to get ready for work. It was two hours before he needed to be there, with no mention of a talk or anything.

Well, he couldn’t get in and when he drove away I packed up my car and took everything to his parents and handed his mom the ring.

I haven’t heard from him and it has been 6 weeks. Did I do the right thing? This isn’t the first time we broke up, though each time was a little different. Usually it was because he doesn’t communicate or wants freedom without accountability, or he wants the relationship but isn’t mature enough to know how to be committed.

We are both 27. I am a nurse, working on my master’s degree, and settled. He is a great guy, otherwise. He’s working his way through school as a bartender at the country club.

He graduates in May and will hopefully land a job in finance. He is generous, loving and we have fun. My heart is broken and I am waiting for him to reach out to me.

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Jan 13, 2016
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Yes You Did The Right Thing!
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You may not realize it, but your friend is clearly an alcoholic. Nobody without an alcohol addiction drinks like that, night after night, with poor communication with a significant other.

To understand why I say he is clearly an alcoholic, take a look at the warning signs of alcohol addiction on this page.

You cannot have a meaningful relationship with someone who is actively involved in any kind of addiction whatsoever. Their primary focus is always going to be the addiction, and you deserve better than that.

I encourage you to work on letting go and moving on. Otherwise, you will be enabling his addiction if you get back together.

You are a smart, successful and stable person. Choose someone to share your life with who has similar qualities.l

All the best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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