Angry Teen

by Anonymous

I am constantly fighting with my mom. When I get mad things go wrong. I throw things, curse, scream, and sometimes storm out of the house and stay out for hours. I often feel that I have to get my point across by getting violent. Me and my sister have a very strong relationship but when we fight I've gotten violent and have pushed her pretty hard. I'm scared one day that I'm going to hurt someone. Will you please help me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It is clear that you want to get better, and to manage your anger successfully so that you don't hurt others. It is also clear that your anger has gotten out of control, and almost taken on a life of its own.

Your anger is there for a reason, and you need to understand it in order to get better. Start with the journaling exercise on this page, which will help you look at some possible causes of your anger.

Also, I want you to start a daily anger journal, as described on this page. This gives your anger a "safe place to go" instead of letting it out on others.

If you had trauma in your past (I'm guessing you did), use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve and heal those wounds.

Once you start feeling some benefit from the above exercises, start the positive journaling described on this page, in order to shift your mental focus from what is wrong to what is good, right and working in you and your life.

Another very powerful technique is to "See It Don't Be It" with your anger. Please follow these guidelines:

1) Come up with a mental picture of your anger. Amplify it, making it larger than life, and keep searching for an image until you have a clear picture in your mind.


2) While picturing it in your mind, say this to it: "I can see that you are a part of me. I created you a long time ago, for my protection. If I let you run my life, you will destroy it. I'm not going to try to kill you or make you go away. You have a place here, but you're not going to be in charge any more. I'm taking over, which will keep both of us safe. I know you're strong, but your strength belongs to me, and I choose to use it for good things."

3) Notice how the image responds or changes in your mind while you say these things. Keep working with it in this way until you begin to see a healthy anger image start to emerge. Ultimately, you want to transform it into a loyal ally--that's what happens when your anger is healthy.

4) Every time you start to get angry, picture this image of your anger--keep at it until you can see it clearly. This is called "See It Don't Be It," and it will help you to manage your anger.

Believe in yourself and your good heart, and do all of the above exercises with focused determination, and you will get the results you want.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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