Angry At Everything Easily
I get extremely angry at a lot of stuff really fast. Sometimes its just small stuff like the way my dog sits. I blow up for nothing, like just today, my mom and I were talking about something and she said something under her breath and laughed. I asked her what she said and she said "Nothing" so I then began yelling at her saying "That pisses me off more than anything! You say something under your breath and laugh at me and won't tell me what you said!"
I try to do things to help cool me down such as playing guitar, or go free running, and they worked for a little while to help calm me. But then I started getting pissed at myself and my guitar cause i couldn't do certain things or play certain songs.
I don't know what to do because I think one day I might blow up at someone or something and hurt them. I don't want that to happen.
The only thing that calms me down that always will is my girlfriend, but I might only get to see her for this summer cause my dad wants to make me move and stay in New Mexico, even when I beg and plead to him to let me stay here!
His wife (my step mom) is a bitch. And she is pregnant, I don't want to go back to that environment. I love my girlfriend here, and every one that is here (except when I'm mad at them, but never my girlfriend). They won't listen and never will.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Thanks for writing your story for this site. You are a smart young man--I know that because of what you wrote. You are smart enough to know that you don't want to blow up and hurt someone or something. I will do my best to help you.
Keep running, and keep playing your guitar. Exercise and music are your friends, just like your girlfriend. Don't let your anger get in the way there. Just play the music that feels good, that you know how to play. Use it to relax and feel good.
It is extremely important that you look for ways to feel good. Your situation is tough, being caught between two parents and two homes, and disliking your step mom.
These anger management techniques will also help, if you use them. Some of them may not work for you--just use the ones that do work. I especially recommend that you try the writing exercises.
Also write about anything painful or difficult that has happened to you in the past. Keep doing this until you feel better. Write about all of the things that make you mad. As long as you're getting it out on paper, you will be less likely to blow up and hurt someone or something.
Remember--always--that you are a good person who wants to do the right thing.
And keep exercising and playing guitar.
You have some good things going for you:
1) Your relationship with your girlfriend sounds excellent. Be grateful for that, and write about what you like, love and appreciate about her daily. This will keep you connected with your positive emotions that replace the anger.
2) You like music. Music is very healing, if you use it that way. Creativity is healing. Try writing a song about your situation. Don't worry if it doesn't sound good--just do it for you. Do it to get your feelings out in a safe and healthy way.
3) You like exercise. That is very, very good. Keep exercising. Try doing some positive self-talk while you're running. Say to yourself things like, "It's cool. It's all going to be okay. All is well. I can do this. I can get through this and have a good life as a young adult."
Focus on your dreams, ambitions and plans for your future. Get excited about the life ahead of you. The situation with your parents is temporary, but your life is for the rest of your life.
Focus on you, your needs, and what it takes for you to feel good. Try to keep your focus off of others--unless it makes you feel good.
If you really have the guts to do it, look for the things you like about your mom, dad and step mom. I'm guessing they are not bad through and through. The more you focus on what you like about them, the less angry you'll be.
You're a good guy. Remember that. Get yourself into a good feeling, over and over again.
I wish you all the best,
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