Anger vs. Family

by Marylee
(Bowling Green, Fl Usa)

Dear Dr. DeFoore: I feel so depressed. My anger problems have destroyed my family. I have a 1 and a half year old and I have been with his dad for about 2 1/2 years.

But now he's left me because of my anger issues. I got in a fight with him because of the dumbest thing. For some reason I feel like I can't or don't know how to control myself. I feel angry all of the time, for no reason whatsoever and lash out for the smallest reason.

People often tell me I am grumpy, which has also caused me problems with almost everybody in my family. And I am not really friendly.

Please help me! I need help desperately because I want to get my family back together. What can I do?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Marylee, and thanks for telling your story here. You have good reasons for your anger, and it's important that you find out what they are. Do all of the exercises on this FAQ page, and that will help you to not only understand, but also heal your anger.

You have to do this for yourself, Marylee, even though your primary motivation right now is to get your family back together. If you try to do all of this for them, you probably won't succeed.

Read these pages on relationships, and that will help you understand what I mean:

how to deal with abusive relationships
relationship advice
dealing with marital problems

It would be great if you and your husband could learn these couples communication skills, and read Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples together.

I also encourage you to learn about nurturing your inner child, and how you can learn to love yourself.

You can do this, Marylee. You're a good person, and that's why your anger bothers you so much. Believe in yourself and the goodness of your heart.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would provide a written testimonial and/or click the "Like" button at the top left of the home page.