Anger Management

by Anonymous

Anger is a very difficult emotion to manage. Some people need to express it more to speak up for themselves. That isn't my problem. I am too quick to become angry. It most likely dates back to an abusive childhood where I was never able to express anger. I was so frustrated over the years from stuffing my feelings that I resolved never to let anyone mistreat me in any way. Getting angry inappropriately in my adult life has negatively affected me and others around me, even if I don't actually express the feelings. I still have them.

This is a very unhappy way to live. It is often said that getting angry at someone gives that person power over you. I finally became tired of granting others that power and having such a thin skin.

There are many things I do to manage my anger. The famous tried and true one is to count to ten. It really does help. The second one is to leave the area during a fight, even if it is only the room. Cutting off the argument until you have more perspective on it is very beneficial as nothing useful can really be accomplished during a knock-down, drag out argument. Some arguments can be useful but only if you know how to fight fairly and I haven't yet learned this lesson.

The third one is to write about my anger. Chances are I will discover that my feelings have little to do with the situation at hand and more to do with my own baggage. This is very useful.

Finally, I try to avoid arguments by telling myself that, just for this moment, I don't have to react. I have recently found that trick to be extremely freeing. Taking one moment at a time works!

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Thanks for your contribution! I respect your courage in sharing these powerful thoughts and feelings, and I think you will help others with what you have offered here. I especially like your mention of writing, and taking one moment at a time.

Great stuff!