Anger At A Co-worker

by John
(Ohio)

Working in a shared office on my day off, I was trying to send myself an email to home with a staffing schedule, so I could work on it at home. A co-worker, who I have recently discovered has been backstabbing me to supervisors, comes in the office and in a loud voice says, "Get out of here. You shouldn't be here. I don't want anyone here babysitting me, get out!"

I told them angrily,"Why do you even care about what I am doing here? Just let me finish this and I will be out of your hair." They then go to the supervisor and tell them that I reacted in anger, which I did.

How could I have better handled this situation?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello John, and thanks for telling your story here. You obviously had good reasons for your anger. You were treated disrespectfully, and without consideration for what you were doing.

The thing about anger is that nobody ever wants to be on the receiving end. Anger is just a not good way to communicate, because it puts the other person on the defensive instead of getting them to listen. That's why it's so important to to learn to manage it.

To answer your question directly, if you had been able to manage your anger, you could have said, "Oh--(call them by name). How's your day going? (In a friendly voice, with a smile.) I know you don't want to be disturbed here, so I'll be out of your hair in just a second."

Calling them by name, making eye contact, smiling and using a friendly voice tone is the key. But in order to do that you have to manage your anger, so here are some ways to do that.

Use these anger management techniques on a regular basis, especially when you have to deal with that co-worker.

Copy those down off the web site, make a copy for yourself, and take them with you to work. Get good at them.

And be sure and have as much fun as you can and take really good care of yourself, John. We just don't have as many anger problems when we're feeling good and having a good time.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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