Afraid Of Being Locked Up

by Tara
(South Dakota)

Well I have always known I had an anger problem but I never want help. I grew up thinking you were weak to ask for help so I never asked for help. I drink and get high to help me stay calm. I know that is the wrong thing to do but...living here, no one cares.

I'm a young native women and I have alot of problems. Everyone laughs at me when I talk about getting help so I never try. But now that I'm older, I just can't take it any more. Sometimes I just want to leave this world and never look back. But I have two reasons why I'm still here. The first is my family, even though most of them don't like me. The second is my best friend (my "lil bro"). Me and him have been friends for about 12 - 13 years.

But I don't know what to do any more. My mind just feels like it's racing all the time. So I give up...I want...no, no I need help and fast. But I don't want to be locked up for help. I don't do well behind locked doors. I'll go crazy if I can not feel the breeze of the wind. I have been locked up many times, and every time I went crazy. I think that is why I have never asked for help, I afrad of being locked up.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, Tara. I am so very glad that you wrote your story asking for help. You are very brave and strong to do this. You are also smart, because there is no way that writing your story on this site is going to get you locked up. So you found a safe way to get help. Very smart.

I will do my best to help you, and you have to do your best too. First, I want you to think about these things:
1) You are a good person inside, and that's why you want things to be better. The good person in you knows you need help, and that you do not need to be locked up. Remember this good person at all times.

2) The good person inside is not as strong when you drink and get high. I know it feels better when you're drunk or high, but it really makes things worse for you--and it will probably mean you will get locked up again. We have to do something about that.
3) It will be very hard, or even impossible, for you to control your anger if you keep drinking and getting high.

This is what I want you to do:
1) I want you to go to an AA meeting--Alcoholics Anonymous. That's what they are there for, and you need that support to get sober. AA meetings are not perfect, and the people who are there are not perfect, but they will help--if you go. You have to do that part. Just show up at the meetings. I suggest you go as often as you possibly can.
2) You need to be clean and sober to do this next part. Go into the mountains or the desert near where you live. Find a place away from other people, where you can see and feel the beauty of the earth and sky, and the plants and animals. You will know when you find "your spot."
3) When you find "your spot" that feels right, I want you to pray. Ask for help and guidance. Surrender to the powers of goodness inside and all around you. Keep praying until you feel a warmth, a sense of relief and comfort coming into your body. Trust. It will happen. Do this as often as you can, until you are feeling strong and healthy--then keep doing it.
4) Keep writing about your progress on this web site. Let me know how you're doing, and I'll continue to help. Other visitors might help too. One thing is for sure, you are helping others by telling your story on this site.
5) Believe in yourself, Tara. Your name "Tara" means "elevated place," like a hilltop. Find the spirit and power of your name inside you, and go to that "elevated place" that is who you really are.

I believe in you.

Dr. DeFoore

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Afraid Of Being Locked Up

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Mar 08, 2009
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Getting Support
by: Rose

Tara,

In the past I went through times that were so horrible I felt that I couldn't stand it any longer. I felt so bad that I wondered how my heart could keep beating. I stayed alive for my children. They are the reason that I am still here now. Your love for your friend and your family is a part of your strength.

I understand what you mean when you say that you don't want to be locked up. I was put into a mental hospital in the past also.

I'm feeling so much better now because I kept reaching out for support. I got self-help books and recordings that supported me in telling my story and feeling the feelings I needed to feel. If money is tight, the library is a good place to go for self-help books and recordings. If you have the money, Bill DeFoore's recordings and books are excellent. I did the anger releasing exercises in his book about anger and after a period of time I found that my intense depression and confusion lifted and I could function more in my life. This blog site has helped me, too.

I believe that we are all drawn to what is best for us. There are other books and recordings by other doctors and counselors that are great. I tried to find the support that was best for me by praying for God to help me with it. Go by your own intuition for this too. There's a part of yourself that knows what you need.

In the past, I also joined a support group. When I first went to the support group I was so shy and afraid that I didn't say a word the whole time. I just listened to the other people. The forth time that I went, I finally opened my mouth and said something. Everyone there was so happy to hear from me. They listened to what I had to say and they were very supportive. The people in the support group had problems and insecurities, just like me. It was the first time that I felt that I wasn't alone with what I was going through. No-one laughed at me.

I remember listening to the other people in the support group and thinking, "Me too", so many times.

There were times in the past that I used to go to a grocery store or some other public place and think that everyone there had their stuff together, except me. I thought that everyone else could handle life better than me. After I started to go to the support group, I began to realize how isolated I had been. The support group made me see that there were other people who were going through tough times too. I was not alone.

I hope that you do try to find a support group. If you ever get into a support group that is not right for you, keep looking. There are usually more than one support group around.

Take care of yourself, Tara. The world need you.

Sincerely,

Rose

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