End Your Abusive Relationship
Or Try To Make It Work?

One way or the other, things have to change. Abuse is unacceptable, and it is your job to bring it to an end. You have the good heart and intelligence to take the next best step--and that's all you have to do!

So, congratulations for taking the step to be here, and I hope all the next steps are rewarding for you.

Is There Any Hope That It Will Get Better?

Good question! And that's the question most people are asking when they're in an abusive relationship. Here's how you decide:

• Is the abuser seeking help? If all you're getting is an apology and a promise to change, that's not enough. Abusive relationships don't get better until the abuser gets help or the victim leaves.
• Are you the victim? Are you seeking help for yourself? Victims of bad relationships are often unwillingly contributing to the problem--that's right, once we're adults there are no more helpless victims.



• Are there children involved? If so, are they being protected from the abuse? If not, then priority one is to insure their safety. You're the one who came to this site looking for answers, so you're the one to take the necessary action to protect the children. If children are being harmed, forget about whether the abuser will get better or not--just get the children safe!
• Is it verbal abuse, sexual abuse or physical abuse--or a combination? There is a huge range of severity of abuse, every case is unique. You, as the responsible person, have to be the one to decide when to leave or hope for change.

I will say that in my professional experience, once the relationship has become abusive, things do not tend to get better. The abuser has to really, really want help and be totally devoted to healing.

Are You Scared?

A lot of people stay in abusive relationships because they're scared of what will happen when they leave. Unfortunately, abusers feed on fear, and that makes the situation worse. Here is what I recommend:

• Tell trusted friends and family what's going on.
• Call 911 and report violence, assault or anything that violates human rights.
• Call a crisis hotline or battered person's shelter and ask for help and support.

If you stay scared, try to be good, and do everything you can to keep the abuser from getting angry, you are adding to the problem. Your safety (and the safety of children, if involved) is the most important thing!

For more help with issues like overcoming jealousy and other relationship issues that can cause an abusive relationship, be sure and check out these resources.

If you think there's a chance for healing and forgiveness, you might find this excellent CD program/audio download to be very helpful:

P.S. Remember, you have a good heart, and you deserve to be treated with respect, no matter what! Do not let your abusive relationship dominate you. Believe in yourself and your goodness, and never give up on you!

Return to anger management, bad relationships.