A Complicated Anger Problem
I have recently become concerned with the levels of anger I have been experiencing. I have very often found myself wishing to severely physically harm individuals who bother me, who include strangers, associates, friends and family members.
The triggers for these thoughts are either behavior/attitudes that bother me or an acknowledgement of my own various mistakes, weaknesses and errors. I have also found myself aggravated with my own behavior, though not to the same extent as others.
On a similar note, my patience with my perceived failings of others has significantly decreased since I began to feel this way, meaning that it has taken less and less to make me angry. While I have been able to control this anger up until now, it has remained difficult to do so, and I often find myself wishing I could simply let loose upon those that bother me. Also, I have been habitually lying to avoid situations I can anticipate will lead to this anger, with mixed success (either it works and the situation is relieved, or it only worsens the situation further).
I have yet to tell anyone about these feelings, as I am concerned that doing so would worsen my already tense life. To keep it simple, I am in the middle of a particularly intense school system, working towards applying for a university, attempting to balance school work and the mandatory community service my school enforces, dealing with a mother whose very presence is enough to bring about these feelings of aggression and who does not trust me due to my habitual lying, and still attempting to let go of my anger from having moved to this new location approximately two years ago. In short, I cannot afford to have anything further complicate my life at this point.
I am also not sure if this is relevant, but I believe these things I have noticed may be related to my aggression: I have gradually developed a significantly lesser view on the whole of humanity as I have expanded my horizons, I have found myself acting in a very apathetic manner towards work, and I have noticed myself being somewhat paranoid about the impacts of others' actions in regards to myself.
To summarize, I'm in a bit of a pickle and I could really use some help.Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I appreciate the quality of your writing, grammar and spelling. You are obviously a very smart person, and I will try to help.
I strongly encourage you to do all of the exercises described on this FAQ page
. This will help you to understand, heal and manage your anger more effectively.
Regarding your attitude about humanity, I understand where you're coming from, and a lot of people feel the same way. The problem is that as long as you focus on humanity's shortcomings and allow your attention to that to grow, you will feel worse and worse.
The fact is, that there are many good people in this world, doing wonderful things. But they're not in the news, and they don't grab your attention the way the darker side of humanity does. The journaling process on this page
will help you focus on what is good, right and working in your world.
These are tools, and if you use them enough, they will really help you. Like any tools, however, they only work if you use them.
You can do this. Believe in yourself.
My very best to you,