The Healing Anger Newsletter (skip to where the new issue starts) brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace. If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page. This newsletter and the web site, AngerManagementResource.com were built and are maintained through a program called SiteBuildIt!, which is now offered as an eLearning course you can take from home! It's the best way I know of to deal with the economic stress that so many are facing right now. Find out how you can start your own successful Internet business by watching these great videos about why so many people love SiteBuildIt! Would you like to lend a helping hand? If you have purchased a book, CD or audio download, I would very much like to hear what you thought of your product! With your permission, I will publish your comments, with your name, on my web site to help other visitors like yourself learn more about the products. This would be a big help! Oh! By the way, did you get your free E-book? If so, after you've had a chance to read it and try some of the Anger Management Techniques, write to me and let me know what you think! November 1, 2009 Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #019 Stop The Verbal Abuse Whether You're Doing It Or Receiving It Contents of this newsletter What's New on AngerManagementResource.com? What Is Verbal Abuse? If You're The Victim If You're The Verbal Abuser Check Out This Four CD/Audio Program Now!

What's new on the web site? Three new web pages, a special story and lots more new stories--check them out! Dealing With Anxiety Symptoms This web page will help you understand and heal your anxiety symptoms so that you can relax and breathe freely! Relationship Advice Here is some relationship advice that is not what you would expect--the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Oppositional Defiant Disorder Parent--learn how to help your children with oppositional defiant disorder. Find out about the best program available for kids with ODD. Read some great new stories submitted by good folks like you. Read Angry From The Day I Was Born and Frustrated Parent for starters. What Is Verbal Abuse? Rather than go into full detail here, I will refer you to my web page on Overcoming Verbal Abuse, where you will get plenty of detail on the topic. For now, just be aware that verbal abuse is any spoken words that are demeaning, hurtful or disrespectful to the person hearing them. Our goal here is to focus on alternatives to verbal abuse, rather than going into a lot of detail about all of the many different kinds. The web page on verbal abuse not only tells you the types of verbal abuse, it describes the effects, the warning signs, and how to stop it. Are You A Victim Of Verbal Abuse? The important thing here is for you to claim your power in healthy ways. That means learning how to stand up for yourself, speak your mind and demand respect in all of your relationships. Here are some guidelines to follow: Avoid falling to the level of the verbal abuser by becoming abusive in return. Stay respectful, as you say things like, "I choose not to talk any more right now. I am only willing to talk when we can both be respectful of each other." Then you have to walk away--if you stay and allow the abuse to continue, then your words become meaningless. When you're not with the other person, focus on their positive aspects. Try to see them in a positive light in your mind. Picture them treating you with respect. I know this might be hard, but it lowers your stress, and it keeps you from doing battle with them in your mind between interactions. If you feel there may be some validity to what the other person is saying, reflect what you hear them saying--that is, repeat back to them what they just said and ask, "Am I hearing you correctly?" This has to be done without anger, sarcasm or frustration. It will only work if you're calm and respectful in your manner. If you're in an abusive relationship, you really need to read this page to decide what to do next. The main thing is that you don't become a battered wife, husband or parent--or child, for that matter. Use the guidelines on this page to learn more about communication skills in conflict situations. And finally, take a look at yourself. What are you doing to contribute to or maintain this situation. "Victim" is more of a feeling than a reality (once we become adults). Your only true freedom comes when you take responsibility Learn more on our overcoming verbal abuse page. Are You The Verbal Abuser? First of all, I want to congratulate you--most abusers don't think they need help. You do, or you wouldn't be here reading this. Here are some things I recommend: First thing to try is...just stop it, if you can. You're a good person inside, and here's your chance to act on that goodness. Go back to the old childhood rule of, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything," especially when you're talking to someone you love! Then go in this direction: start thinking about the positive aspects of the person you've been verbally abusing. Write down what you like, appreciate admire and respect about them, and what you'd miss if they were gone. Then tell them about those things you like about them, not once, but again and again--that is, if you really do love them. You need to find out where the verbal abuse is coming from inside you. Get a mental picture of the abuser inside you--is that who you really want to be? Next, do some journaling about all of the times you yourself have been abused--you'll find the guidelines for this type of journaling on this page. Please note: These are only the first three of the six steps I recommend--you will find the entire list of six steps on this page. Most importantly, don't give up on yourself. You can become the good person you want to be, if you set your mind to it and never give up. All of the resources you need are on my AngerManagementResource.com web site. Stop The Verbal Abuse Now! This excellent 4 CD program is entitled, Anger: Deal With It Before It Deals With You, and is available either in CD format or as an MP3 audio download. It is our most comprehensive program, and is totally guaranteed to help you deal with your anger, or your money back! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Get your copy now! Consider the time, energy (and maybe money) you are investing here as an investment in yourself, that will serve you and everyone you love for the rest and the best of your life. P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser. P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session! Next Issue Overcome Anxiety Symptoms Without Medication

Let me hear from you! Comments? Ideas? Feedback? I'd love to hear from you. Just reply to this ezine and tell me what you think! If you have ideas for future Healing Anger Newsletter issues, I'm open to considering them. Here is your opportunity to get involved--I might even include your comments, story or link in a future issue of this ezine. Also, as I mentioned above I would very much like your testimonial or endorsement if you have purchased a product--or if you downloaded our free E-book! Don't forget! We want to hear your story, and when you submit it you get your own web page on the site! Take a look at the categories you can write in now. It's easy! Thanks for being here! William G. DeFoore