40 Year Relationship Issues

by Anonymous

Our 37 yr old son was sentenced to prison several weeks ago. We (husband and I) always direct anger toward each other; everything becomes about us. We have to clean out his house and have been doing so, and are planning a sale of his possessions on the weekend.

Today my 33 yr old daughter calls and says she needs help watching her two dogs as she has picked up another temp job for a couple of weeks and is pretty much busy from 7 am to late in the day. She goes to school Mon-Thurs for 1.5 hrs, works the census about 20+ hrs a week and works 8 hrs on Sat night taking care of a disabled woman.

My husband made plans with a couple we know for lunch on Thurs. I said to him that it added to my too-busy week. I have been really stressed, as we needed to price everything and get the sale together. Today is Tues and the sale is planned for Fri, Sat and Sun.

He went off on me and as usual accused me of being selfish and not wanting him to be able to have friends. I have been suffering due to my son's incarceration. He thinks that I should just get over it so it is not an issue in his life. When this happens he just tells me to get out of the room and that he does not want to talk to me and that I am nothing but a problem.


I then want to resolve the issues and he just tells me that I am always the problem. Why do I always feel like the bad person here?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I will focus on the area in which you have total freedom and responsibility, and that's with yourself. Start by doing the exercises on this FAQ page, which will help you understand and heal your anger.

Then read the following pages on relationships, and follow any recommendations you find there that apply to your situation:

how to deal with abusive relationships
relationship advice
dealing with marital problems
couples communication skills

I also suggest that you learn about nurturing your inner child and raising your self esteem. That is the bottom line to everything.

I have a feeling that you can do this. Believe in yourself and the goodness in your heart, and make up your mind that you're going to create a good life for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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